I used to go to church...and when my kids came along I tried to instill in them the "faith"...I remember as a child my mother getting us all dressed in our Sunday best...we would walk into church in a fine little row- My Dad, me, my bother, my sister, my brother, and my Mother holding up the rear so we didn't stray. We sat in the church pew in order and obediently recited our prayers and the tried to be good. There were a few instances of fidgeting and poking but my Dad would give the "look" and all settled quickly.
I ,on the other hand, would pack up a bag for the kids... cheerio's, juice, books, crayons, paper...and try to make church a little less...difficult for me really....
It was Easter Sunday and the service I picked was one with a folk group. The kids seemed a bit more content to sit for an hour when the music was a bit more upbeat than the usual hymn-ish type choir.
Of course I was late and rushing them into the church, backpack filled with playthings we found my parents- my Dad shaking his head at the thought of snacks and toys in church . All was progressing nicely...except it was the day of the longest gospel...so fidgeting started and the magic backpack opened. But to my chagrin I had neglected to restock the paper, and crayons...Oh no!!!!
I discreetly whisper to my mom and ask for a pen. She and I rummage through our purses and come up with a pencil and a pen and hand the kids the church bulletins to draw on. Phew... catastrophe avoided....
The service progresses and son number one and two, on the floor between my mom and I state very loudly..."Mommy, Grandma look what we draw"..."Shhhhh..." I say...and sit son number two between my mom and I- as my Dad shoots "the look"...and then from the corner of my eye I see my mother's shoulders shaking...head down, and kleenex dabbing her eyes...bulletin in hand from son number one.
Without looking at me she hands me the bulletin...and there in all it's glory is my son's understanding of Easter. On the bulletin is a cross with Jesus on it ...and now surrounding it are word bubbles..."Help, help, get me down.", "This hurts", "Can someone get me down please." and below his childlike rendition of Easter Bunny with a basket and a word bubble "hey Jesus, I have eggs, want some?" "No Bunny can you get me down?"
I try to contain myself, biting my lip until it hurts...I pray to God not to let me break out in hysterical laughter...now my mother is laughing harder and turning red...My son...seeing his effect loudly proclaims.."Mommy, why you laughing. Mommy, tell me why you laugh." With that I lose it and the whole church is filled with the sounds of my mother and me laughing....The service stops for a moment, my father is mortified as everyone is now looking at us.
We pull it together enough to get through the final blessing and leave the church as quickly as possible...and as we are leaving my son number two waves to the crucifix and pipes up ..."Bye Jesus, Easter Bunny coming to get you down."
Renewed fits of laughter, my mother and I get to the car and doubling over in hysterics...I say to her...you never told me how hard it was to contain kids and church laugh....
Sunday 21 August 2011
My Mother Didn't Tell Me I'd Find the Biggest Joy in a Mocha Frappicino
It was a late start to the day ...and my blood pressure was rising...I was late for a meeting of epic proportions...I rushed through the house picking up the things I needed and shoving them in my bag...grabbed my sunglasses and raced to the car.
The morning traffic as usual- stop and go...I felt the road rage bubbling to the surface as some creep cut me off. As usual the news informing of construction here and road closures there...and the newest horrendous crime for the day...
Finally rush through the parking lot, the elevators and the masses of morning commuters and make it to the meeting only 15 mins late- hair frizzy, suit crumpled, and certainly not feeling very corporate. After an hour and a half of heated discussion it seemed the objective of the meeting was lost in personal agendas and another scheduled for next week...
Feeling quite deflated that my amazingly wonderful idea was on the brink of total disaster I wandered into the cafe in the lobby and ordered a mocha frappicino...making my way through the crowds I found a spot to sit and contemplate and try to devise a strategy for next week...
As I furiously tapped out notes on my laptop I heard a woman ask if she could take the other seat at my table. "Sure," I replied...she popped her daughter in the chair and I offered to watch her while she ordered her coffee..."
Are you sure?"...
"Absolutely, it's not a big deal..I had little kids once too."
The women spoke to her daughter quietly and the little girl shook her head and sat in the chair.
She was a beautiful little girl about four with chestnut hair and brown eyes. She looked curiously all around the cafe and held her teddy very close.
"What's your name?" I asked
"Merideth" she replied
"Hi Merideth, i'm Brandy. What's your Teddy's name?"
"He is Frances."
"Wow...he is pretty cool."
Meredith was shy. She would answer questions but never look at me, keeping her sight focused on all the activity in the cafe. We continued the question answer game and I learned Meredith liked cheerios for breakfast, playing in the park with her friend John, and eating chocolate chip ice cream.
Her Mom returned and sat- thanked me profusely for watching Meredith. I dove back into my laptop and got a bit lost in my work...when I felt a little hand on my arm, tugging at my sleeve...
"Hey, Meredith."
"Don't bother the lady, she's working" her Mom scolded
"It's okay."
Meredith reached her hands to my face- I sat her on my lap...and it was in that moment I realized something different about her eyes. She ran her hands all over the contours of my face.
"You're pretty" she said
"Why, thank you so are you."
She smiled. We sat there for half an hour. Meredith's mom explaining the challenges of a blind child, and the joys of it too. Meredith happily drinking her milk, talking to Frances and once in a while perching herself on my lap to touch my hair, or face.
As quickly as it had begun, it was over and Meredith's mom thanked me again and said...
"She rarely takes to strangers."
I hugged Meredith goodbye and told her it was a pleasure meeting her. She held out Frances for a hug too...and then she and her Mom disappeared into the day...and I was left thinking...I had just experienced a humbling moment and a testament to the strength of overcoming those things we think insurmountable...
My Mother didn't tell me I'd find the biggest joy in a mocha frappicino...and that day I did.
The morning traffic as usual- stop and go...I felt the road rage bubbling to the surface as some creep cut me off. As usual the news informing of construction here and road closures there...and the newest horrendous crime for the day...
Finally rush through the parking lot, the elevators and the masses of morning commuters and make it to the meeting only 15 mins late- hair frizzy, suit crumpled, and certainly not feeling very corporate. After an hour and a half of heated discussion it seemed the objective of the meeting was lost in personal agendas and another scheduled for next week...
Feeling quite deflated that my amazingly wonderful idea was on the brink of total disaster I wandered into the cafe in the lobby and ordered a mocha frappicino...making my way through the crowds I found a spot to sit and contemplate and try to devise a strategy for next week...
As I furiously tapped out notes on my laptop I heard a woman ask if she could take the other seat at my table. "Sure," I replied...she popped her daughter in the chair and I offered to watch her while she ordered her coffee..."
Are you sure?"...
"Absolutely, it's not a big deal..I had little kids once too."
The women spoke to her daughter quietly and the little girl shook her head and sat in the chair.
She was a beautiful little girl about four with chestnut hair and brown eyes. She looked curiously all around the cafe and held her teddy very close.
"What's your name?" I asked
"Merideth" she replied
"Hi Merideth, i'm Brandy. What's your Teddy's name?"
"He is Frances."
"Wow...he is pretty cool."
Meredith was shy. She would answer questions but never look at me, keeping her sight focused on all the activity in the cafe. We continued the question answer game and I learned Meredith liked cheerios for breakfast, playing in the park with her friend John, and eating chocolate chip ice cream.
Her Mom returned and sat- thanked me profusely for watching Meredith. I dove back into my laptop and got a bit lost in my work...when I felt a little hand on my arm, tugging at my sleeve...
"Hey, Meredith."
"Don't bother the lady, she's working" her Mom scolded
"It's okay."
Meredith reached her hands to my face- I sat her on my lap...and it was in that moment I realized something different about her eyes. She ran her hands all over the contours of my face.
"You're pretty" she said
"Why, thank you so are you."
She smiled. We sat there for half an hour. Meredith's mom explaining the challenges of a blind child, and the joys of it too. Meredith happily drinking her milk, talking to Frances and once in a while perching herself on my lap to touch my hair, or face.
As quickly as it had begun, it was over and Meredith's mom thanked me again and said...
"She rarely takes to strangers."
I hugged Meredith goodbye and told her it was a pleasure meeting her. She held out Frances for a hug too...and then she and her Mom disappeared into the day...and I was left thinking...I had just experienced a humbling moment and a testament to the strength of overcoming those things we think insurmountable...
My Mother didn't tell me I'd find the biggest joy in a mocha frappicino...and that day I did.
Sunday 29 May 2011
My Mother Didn't Tell Me PMS Could Be Life Threatening to Others
Wake up feeling a little off...Oh well, it'll pass...get ready to hit the gym...Where the HELL are my shoes?...okay I know I had them in my bag...ransack the shoe closet and then from the corner of my eye I see them sitting on mat by the door..."Who ever pulled that evil joke is really not funny." says inside voice.
Hit the gym...running on the treadmill..observe man next to me..."ewww...he is finished on the machine and not even wiping it down...hhmmppphhh...his mother obviously taught him NO manners."...Send him "the look"...he sort of runs away in fear...
Finish exercise..the whole time inside voice complains..."I really don't know why I have to do this crap..isn't a walk in the park enough? I mean , really...this sweating is far too icky."
Shower, change and now it is time to hit the subway and off to work...and this in itself is an adventure of epic proportions...100's of people cramming themselves in tin cans like a bunch of sardines...of course being short I get stuck under some 6'2 male armpit that smells like it hasn't been manscaped or even washed for that matter...inside voice..."Oh god why me????? " and I burst into uncontrollable tears to the point 3 people offer me their seat.
At work...meeting...looks at agenda but for some reason...can't really focus...inside voice: "Why are all the men in this meeting so stupid?...and OMG..What is up with that mismatched excuse for a suit that woman is wearing?"...hand reaches for sugar covered donut..."Pleeeassseeee...is this supposed to be a meeting or a party- do these people really have to say good morning to each other 50 times ?...let's go people!"
At lunch: finds myself very hungry ..inside voice..."I really should have something good...I did work out this morning and am surrounded by morons - so I really need to eat." Orders cheeseburger, fries, chocolate milkshake and an ice cream sundae...finds myself sprinkling potato chip crumbs on the sundae...I contemplate stealing the lollypop the kid next to me is eating....
On the way home...stop to pick up dry cleaning...man ahead of me is giving the poor clerk a hard time...I listen for a moment...become a bit inflamed by his rudeness...Imagine dry cleaning him and tossing him on an ironing board...Inside voice.."What a jerk...this poor clerk gets paid minimum wage and your complaining about a crease in your freaking pants...iron them yourself for God's Sake...don't you have any domestic skills whatsoever???"
Notice people looking around nervously...opps- that was supposed to be my inside voice...Man storms out with ill creased pants and shoots me a look...I give him my best ferral cat impersonation...
Finally get home...look at calendar for week's activities...rut row...no wonder inside voice is acting up...cancel remaining meetings for the week, check cupboards for essentials- yup- chocolate, potato chips, and ice cream...lock doors, pull blinds...wait out the storm...this too shall pass...My Mother didn't tell me PMS could be life threatening to others..I kinda figured that out on my own...
Hit the gym...running on the treadmill..observe man next to me..."ewww...he is finished on the machine and not even wiping it down...hhmmppphhh...his mother obviously taught him NO manners."...Send him "the look"...he sort of runs away in fear...
Finish exercise..the whole time inside voice complains..."I really don't know why I have to do this crap..isn't a walk in the park enough? I mean , really...this sweating is far too icky."
Shower, change and now it is time to hit the subway and off to work...and this in itself is an adventure of epic proportions...100's of people cramming themselves in tin cans like a bunch of sardines...of course being short I get stuck under some 6'2 male armpit that smells like it hasn't been manscaped or even washed for that matter...inside voice..."Oh god why me????? " and I burst into uncontrollable tears to the point 3 people offer me their seat.
At work...meeting...looks at agenda but for some reason...can't really focus...inside voice: "Why are all the men in this meeting so stupid?...and OMG..What is up with that mismatched excuse for a suit that woman is wearing?"...hand reaches for sugar covered donut..."Pleeeassseeee...is this supposed to be a meeting or a party- do these people really have to say good morning to each other 50 times ?...let's go people!"
At lunch: finds myself very hungry ..inside voice..."I really should have something good...I did work out this morning and am surrounded by morons - so I really need to eat." Orders cheeseburger, fries, chocolate milkshake and an ice cream sundae...finds myself sprinkling potato chip crumbs on the sundae...I contemplate stealing the lollypop the kid next to me is eating....
On the way home...stop to pick up dry cleaning...man ahead of me is giving the poor clerk a hard time...I listen for a moment...become a bit inflamed by his rudeness...Imagine dry cleaning him and tossing him on an ironing board...Inside voice.."What a jerk...this poor clerk gets paid minimum wage and your complaining about a crease in your freaking pants...iron them yourself for God's Sake...don't you have any domestic skills whatsoever???"
Notice people looking around nervously...opps- that was supposed to be my inside voice...Man storms out with ill creased pants and shoots me a look...I give him my best ferral cat impersonation...
Finally get home...look at calendar for week's activities...rut row...no wonder inside voice is acting up...cancel remaining meetings for the week, check cupboards for essentials- yup- chocolate, potato chips, and ice cream...lock doors, pull blinds...wait out the storm...this too shall pass...My Mother didn't tell me PMS could be life threatening to others..I kinda figured that out on my own...
Monday 23 May 2011
My Mother Didn't Tell Me Some Domestic Skills Are Good
Long week of business travel....finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. One more business dinner, a sleep at the hotel and then a flight home...Been in three different time zones in a week...a little brain fuzz...but holding on for the final leg of the race...Business dinner time approaches...thank god it's a casual evening...
Toss on casual yet business like outfit and off I run...Into the restaurant I go ...strange- seems everyone is looking at me...hummmpphhh...new in town- and everyone knows I guess.
Dinner progresses...visit the ladies room...once again notice I seem to be drawing a lot of attention...Thinks wow...I must be looking hot...and smiles to self.
Conversation is great, food not bad at all, and the evening goes well...one more trip to the ladies room and once again feeling like a star on the walk of fame with all the attention....
Evening winds down...we get ready to leave...and as we are saying our goodbyes - waiting for the cabs my colleague says ....OMG you have a huge rip in the arse of your pants....places my hand on the arse of my pants to find indeed a rather large rip...and now it all comes together....hole in pants, thong underwear...huge amount of attention...My Mother didn't tell me some domestic skills like sewing could come in handy...instead I flashed everyone all evening...needless to say it was the icing on the cake of a very long week.
Toss on casual yet business like outfit and off I run...Into the restaurant I go ...strange- seems everyone is looking at me...hummmpphhh...new in town- and everyone knows I guess.
Dinner progresses...visit the ladies room...once again notice I seem to be drawing a lot of attention...Thinks wow...I must be looking hot...and smiles to self.
Conversation is great, food not bad at all, and the evening goes well...one more trip to the ladies room and once again feeling like a star on the walk of fame with all the attention....
Evening winds down...we get ready to leave...and as we are saying our goodbyes - waiting for the cabs my colleague says ....OMG you have a huge rip in the arse of your pants....places my hand on the arse of my pants to find indeed a rather large rip...and now it all comes together....hole in pants, thong underwear...huge amount of attention...My Mother didn't tell me some domestic skills like sewing could come in handy...instead I flashed everyone all evening...needless to say it was the icing on the cake of a very long week.
My Mother Didn't tell Me How Tiring Being an Adult Is....
The weather is beautiful...one of those days when the earth smells of spring, there is heat in the sun, and a soft breeze. I look at the "to-do" list that seems to have grown from a few items to dozens...and contemplate where to start.
I pour a cup of coffee and start with number one...get the bills paid. Number two is a little more time consuming...do the laundry...and number three...spring cleaning and pack away winter clothes...and along with all the to-dos...there's the scheduling for the week...what to cook for dinner, what needs to be done at work...and the attempt to schedule some free time with friends...when did life get so complicated?
This time of year used to be free-ing...the time when all the winter cold went away...and there were soccer games, hide and seek, playing outside until the street lights came on...the sounds and smells that made you skip hand in hand with your friends to the playground to ride the monstrous merry go round...shaking off the dreariness of long dark days. Everything is green again and the promise of summer is around the corner...laying on the grass making pictures with clouds, jumping in the puddles made by the spring rain...the freedom and innocence of childhood...
We give it up as we grow...forget the unabashed freedom we once had...confine ourselves to adulthood and find little time to rejoice in the small wonders of a day...the childish wonder that once came with seeing a butterfly, or a flower disappears...and we saddle ourselves with all the to-dos...all the complexities of relationships, and life..
My Mother didn't tell me how tiring being an adult is...instead she kept some of that wonder. So I took my to do list- tossed it aside and skipped to the park to ride the not so monstrous merry go round - and listen for a bit to the laughter of the kids playing, to breath in the air of spring ...and to remember.
Friday 13 May 2011
My Mother Didn't Tell Me Just How Great Friends Are....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng (have a listen while you read)
One evening, in the not so distant past, I sat among my very close friends and just observed...listened as they chatted and laughed...talking about life, kids, new relationships, old relationships, a new restaurant, movie, theater production....playing hostess made it easy to excuse myself from the conversation and just sit back and enjoy the "noise"...and as I looked around the room...I thought "everyone has a story" - each of these people honoured me by including me in their life story....
Each of us admire the other for a particular reason...the friend who brings the logic , the friend who brings the fun, the friend who brings the intellect, the friend who brings the advice, the friend who brings the humanity....I found my emotional self touched- moved by the depth of connection...and know I am so very fortunate to have such a motley crew around.
By mere virtue of coming into each other's lives- we have become part of a shared adventure...I felt like the grinch- whose heart grew and grew....Some of us have cried together over life loss- a parent, a child, a sister, a brother...some of us had celebrated births, weddings, divorces...we support each other at our lowest points and celebrate the victories with sincere, heartfelt, unselfish joy....and yet at this moment when I needed to cry, play woe is me...and spill the contents of my newly scarred heart...I couldn't bare to ruin the frivolity, change the mood and change the laughter to serious discussion...
The evening wound down and there we were- just me and my very best friend. The friend who knows my best and worst, my bad hair days, my bad mood days, my crazy work days, my silly disco days...no secrets...the person with whom I am my most vulnerable...and trust with my whole being...The person I tell my happiest accomplishments, my deepest fears, my strengths , my weaknesses...who never judges me and I do the same for him ...We sat next to each other, he said his usual.. "hey pumpkin"...and we held on to a beautiful moment of unconditional love..the foundation of our friendship...he put his arm around me, I put my head on his shoulder as the tears made their way down my cheeks and we looked out over the city..."it'll be okay." he says...and we sat for hours...totally content just to be....
One evening, in the not so distant past, I sat among my very close friends and just observed...listened as they chatted and laughed...talking about life, kids, new relationships, old relationships, a new restaurant, movie, theater production....playing hostess made it easy to excuse myself from the conversation and just sit back and enjoy the "noise"...and as I looked around the room...I thought "everyone has a story" - each of these people honoured me by including me in their life story....
Each of us admire the other for a particular reason...the friend who brings the logic , the friend who brings the fun, the friend who brings the intellect, the friend who brings the advice, the friend who brings the humanity....I found my emotional self touched- moved by the depth of connection...and know I am so very fortunate to have such a motley crew around.
By mere virtue of coming into each other's lives- we have become part of a shared adventure...I felt like the grinch- whose heart grew and grew....Some of us have cried together over life loss- a parent, a child, a sister, a brother...some of us had celebrated births, weddings, divorces...we support each other at our lowest points and celebrate the victories with sincere, heartfelt, unselfish joy....and yet at this moment when I needed to cry, play woe is me...and spill the contents of my newly scarred heart...I couldn't bare to ruin the frivolity, change the mood and change the laughter to serious discussion...
The evening wound down and there we were- just me and my very best friend. The friend who knows my best and worst, my bad hair days, my bad mood days, my crazy work days, my silly disco days...no secrets...the person with whom I am my most vulnerable...and trust with my whole being...The person I tell my happiest accomplishments, my deepest fears, my strengths , my weaknesses...who never judges me and I do the same for him ...We sat next to each other, he said his usual.. "hey pumpkin"...and we held on to a beautiful moment of unconditional love..the foundation of our friendship...he put his arm around me, I put my head on his shoulder as the tears made their way down my cheeks and we looked out over the city..."it'll be okay." he says...and we sat for hours...totally content just to be....
Wednesday 11 May 2011
My Mother Didn't tell Me Dancing on the Bar was a Bad Idea....
Set Scene: Good friends wedding...which happens to be on my own first wedding anniversary. Big gathering of friends and we are all in our very early 20's. Lots of champagne, good music...almost like a university reunion....
Conversation between my best friend and I...
BFF: OMG do you remember when we danced on the bar at graduation?
Me: mmhhmmm...in our stilettos
BFF: Yea, remember we had those great stir up pants, and the BEST hair
Me: Sighs, that was a good night
BFF: Those were the days
Me: We're not dead yet!
BFF: We're at the Four Seasons, not really appropriate
Me: Says Who?
BFF: Dare Ya
Me: Dare me twice
BFF: Double Dare Ya
Me: Done
Sounds of "I've been thinking about you..." Londonbeat playing loudly...lots of whooping and dancing...
Saunters over to bar...trying to look inconspicuous...hands bartender a $20...
Me: Move over Mr. Bar Keep...I've got some dancin' to do.....
Hops up on bar...friends cheer, start gathering around the bar chanting my name....woohoooo....hit slippery part of bar...feel myself falling....falling...prays- oh God do not let my dress end up around my neck....
Sounds of gasps....music stops...sounds of paramedics...wake up in hospital ...mild concussion and badly sprained ankle....Wonder- was this the foretelling of my divorce? Lesson learned...at some point dancing on the bar is really not a good idea......
Conversation between my best friend and I...
BFF: OMG do you remember when we danced on the bar at graduation?
Me: mmhhmmm...in our stilettos
BFF: Yea, remember we had those great stir up pants, and the BEST hair
Me: Sighs, that was a good night
BFF: Those were the days
Me: We're not dead yet!
BFF: We're at the Four Seasons, not really appropriate
Me: Says Who?
BFF: Dare Ya
Me: Dare me twice
BFF: Double Dare Ya
Me: Done
Sounds of "I've been thinking about you..." Londonbeat playing loudly...lots of whooping and dancing...
Saunters over to bar...trying to look inconspicuous...hands bartender a $20...
Me: Move over Mr. Bar Keep...I've got some dancin' to do.....
Hops up on bar...friends cheer, start gathering around the bar chanting my name....woohoooo....hit slippery part of bar...feel myself falling....falling...prays- oh God do not let my dress end up around my neck....
Sounds of gasps....music stops...sounds of paramedics...wake up in hospital ...mild concussion and badly sprained ankle....Wonder- was this the foretelling of my divorce? Lesson learned...at some point dancing on the bar is really not a good idea......
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